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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?