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Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.