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A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
How do I tell a man he loves me?
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls