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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.