Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."