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I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
Starting to believe I`m trouble
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?