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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.