Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.