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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong