Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?