Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit