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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
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