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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.