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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!