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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2