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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?