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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.