Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.