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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.