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My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode