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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....