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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.