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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."