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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!