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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on