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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
The only dates I get are updates.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is