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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Sex, do it for the kids.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.