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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps