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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time