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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Hash browns not tags.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.