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You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.