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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.