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I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".