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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.