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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”