Daily Silly Status

I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...

There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.

A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!

If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.

Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”

I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.

Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams

I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it

I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.

I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.

I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.

Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.

They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.

What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.