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Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?