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Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
Iām going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole