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I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?