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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
If I ever go missing and thereโs a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.