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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.