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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!