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People will do odd things to get even.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.