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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
The future was so much cooler in the past.