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Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping