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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...