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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........