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Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
is "insert clever remark here."
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.