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I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.