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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red