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At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
The first sign of laziness:
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music