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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.