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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
My inner self is in Photoshop
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.