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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?