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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-