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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.