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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
justin bieber
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I know u r but what am I ?
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.