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Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.